BREAKING: Manning and Brady Declare Sunday’s Game a “Retirement Match,” Loser Must Call It Quits
Have you ever felt like the NFL could use a little more WWE? If so, we’ve got some great news for you.
During a joint press conference earlier today, quarterbacks Tom Brady and Peyton Manning announced that Sunday’s AFC Championship Game between the Denver Broncos and the New England Patriots will now be a “Retirement Match.”
For those not familiar with retirement matches and their stipulations, it’s quite simple: loser must retire.
Retirement matches have taken place in professional wrestling, but never in professional football. As per their agreement, the starting quarterback of the losing team must announce his retirement immediately after the contest, with no eligibility for future reinstatement. Should Gary Kubiak suddenly decide to go with Brock Osweiler as his starter on Sunday, the agreement is void. However, if Manning starts and Kubiak eventually chooses to swap quarterbacks at any point after the Broncos’ first offensive play, the bet stands.
According to reports, Manning and Brady have both received the green light from the front offices of their respective teams. When Broncos Vice President John Elway was asked about his organization’s decision to allow this, he said, “Why not? If we lose the game, we are probably going to cut Peyton anyway. Why not make things interesting?”
As for the players, they seem to have mixed feelings about this contest between the two future Hall of Famers. Some are applauding the confidence of their fellow signal-callers, while others feel that this wager between the two is taking the spotlight away from the actual game.
Julian Edelman is clearly a part of the latter group. While answering questions at his locker, the Patriots wide receiver couldn’t resist the urge to lay into his quarterback. “F*cking Brady. It’s just like him to take a game like the AFC Championship and try to make it all about him,” Edelman told reporters. He’d eventually go on to say, “First the guy makes fun of my blocking, and now he expects me to help save him from an early retirement? Don’t be surprised to see a few extra drops this weekend, fellas.”
As for Gronk, well, to be honest, we’re not sure what the heck Gronk was trying to say. “Me Gronk spike ball Tommy go pass no Peyton game retire,” he blabbed to the media before grabbing a reporter’s microphone, spiking it, and storming off.
Tom Brady is set to turn 39 in August, while Peyton Manning will be 40 in March. Retirement is not far away for either of them, but for one, it’s about to come sooner than they had probably hoped.
***Parody post…In case you couldn’t figure that out, Einstein***